Deng Zhi Answers Letters
by davidkun799
Summary: It's Deng Zhi's turn to Answer Letters as much as he could possibly do as he has to deal with the usual shenanigans from the DW/SW cast and maybe pick up a few chicks along the way. Well, it's 2018! What can go wrong? Rated M for Mature Audiences. Don't read this if your under than 15 years old!


**Deng Zhi Answers Letters!**

 **Disclaimer: Dynasty Warriors is now owned by me. It belongs to KOEI TECMO. Same goes to all of the representing franchises.**

* * *

 **Chapter 1: An Ordinary Day in the Life of Deng Zhi**

* * *

Xingcai

What's wrong with Liu Shan? He seems happy for some reason.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Xingcai

He's got a girlfriend?! I didn't see that coming. Also, why are you sad? Should you be happy for him because he's getting laid-Oh shit.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Xingcai

Look! I know what I said was messed up, but think about it! Your father and Xiahouji eloped, which was how you, Zhang Bao and Zhang Yi were born.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Xingcai

You want to do what to him?! Ahem! I'm sorry, but you can't do that now that he's got a girlfriend.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Xingcai

That still doesn't mean that you can force Liu Shan to have sex if he's got a girl! That's called being a Dominatrix, my dear friend!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Xingcai

Wait, you want me to help?! Um, how about NO!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Xingcai

Cai, you can't force me to help you! You got yourself in this mess so you gonna have to get yourself out of it.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Liu Feng

Feng, I need your help. Xingcai's going crazy thinking about Liu Shan! Can you help a guy out?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Liu Feng

What do you mean I have to get you something in return?!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Liu Feng

Alright. I'll give you $2'000! Does that suit you? Good. Now help me!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Random Fangirl

Who's Donghae?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Random Fangirl

He looks like me? So, how did you know about this e-mail?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Suo

Hey, Suo. You are in deep shit right now.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Suo

Don't act dumb, you fucking idiot. Some girl told me that you leaked my e-mail address to the whole world.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Suo

Oh. So, if it wasn't you, then who did it?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Suo

Figures. It had to be them, of all people. Wang Ping and Zhang Yi. This can be considered payback for them because of what happened at Halloween last year.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Random Fangirl

*The letter is covered in blood*

EW! Why did you send your blood in this letter?!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Random Fangirl

Are you telling me that you want me to have babies with you? How old are you?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Random Fangirl

Jesus, that young? God... what the hell's wrong with this generation?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Wang Yi

How did you get sick? Explain quickly because it's a late night and I want to get up early tomorrow.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Wang Yi

So let me get this straight: You're telling me that you watched Cabin Fever and that's why you're scared of people touching your water bottle?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Wang Yi

That's... I've got nothing to say...

Deng Zhi

* * *

Wang Yi

Say, how about you sleep with me tonight? That way, I can beat up Ma Chao if he finds you here.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Yinping

Can you do me a solid? Ma Chao found out about Wang Yi sleeping with me and now I've got spear holes around my body... Is it alright if I stay at your room for a few days until Ma Chao leaves my room?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhao Yun

Don't ask me how I got injured by Ma Chao. It's something you shouldn't know.

Deng Zhi

* * *

King Midang

Didn't expect you to e-mail me. Wow. I'm surprised.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Yi

Yi, Yinping's acting like Yang Xiao Long. She's not happy that I woke her up.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Yi

How am I suppose to know that waking her up was a bad idea?!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Suo

Remind me not to wake up Yinping in the morning.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ma Chao

That's it. I want you to get the fuck out of my room!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ma Chao

You're fucking making your marks on the carpet! Also, where the fuck is Wang Yi?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ma Chao

Why the fuck are you mad at me for?! She got sick so I had to keep her healthy!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ma Chao

It's either that or I'll kill your horse!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ma Chao

Thought so. Now, where's Wang Yi?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Lucina

Oh. You're the daughter of Chrom. Hello. I'm Deng Zhi. It's nice to meet you.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Chrom

Lucina is such a sweet girl. How old is she, anyway?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Chrom

I'm a what to her?! Listen, son! The only problem we're going to have here is a fight and you don't want to know how I fight!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Chrom

Ignore that last one. I just got pissed off at Ma Chao.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Hinoka

You have Guan Yu's weapon, correct? Well, if you do, please bring it back. Zhou Cang's hunting you down like a hawk.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Female Corrin

Can I call you Kamui because I don't want to call you and your brother at the same time.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Camilla

Listen, Captain Boobalicious. Kamui's not a child! If she want's to have a date with me, then she will!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Elise

God, you're like Xiao Qiao and Dong Bai but without being married to Zhou Yu AND being related to that fat fuck.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Xander

What? I'm not in a good mood already because I had a bad night last night! Don't get shitty because of what I said to your sister! I'm just letting off some steam.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Hinoka

What do you mean you don't have it?!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Leo

Tell your brother Xander not to go on a rampage over what I said to Elise

Deng Zhi

* * *

Yueying

So, how's photojournalism with Frank West?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Yueying

You wore his clothes? Hehehe! It would be cool with you dressing like Frank West because of how similar you two are!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Yueying

Oh. So, how Wilamette?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Yueying

You found some girl named Vicky Chu? Hmm...

Deng Zhi

* * *

Male Corrin

Isn't it just me or does Oboro, Takumi and Saizo think I'm from Nohr?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Male Corrin

I don't even know why... It's just a random occurrence to them.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Hinoka

Hinoka, you're in deep shit! Guan Yu's found out that you stole his Crescent Blade and he's making his way to you!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Hinoka

You didn't steal it? Then who did?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Hinoka

Are you fucking kidding me? It had to be Man Chong? Why does he have it?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Sun Deng

I don't think it's legal for you to marry Yinping and her father would say no to you so I can't help you.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Sun Quan

Quan, you should really consider of your daughter's offer. It looks like she's happy. Don't you fuck this up.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Kamui

When Dynasty Warriors 9 is released, I'll take you out on a date. Does that sound cool?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Kamui

Fuck what your siblings say. If it's your choice, then it's yours.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Camilla

What the hell?! Why do you think I'm seducing her?! You're a fucking idiot!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Xander

Camilla's being a fucking idiot. Oh wait... Besides Kamui and Leo, who I tolerate, everyone from Nohr are fucking idiots!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ryoma

You want me to go and play Hooky? That's dangerous.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Kamui and Corrin

So Azura's coming here tomorrow? Well, let's give her a Warriors welcome!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Honoka

Since you're technically a Warriors character, how about you do it?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Naotora Li

So, how's living with Brad Wong and the Dead or Alive cast along with Mai Shiranui?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ethan Winters

Well, I've never played Resident Evil before so welcome to the house of Dynasty and Samurai Warriors.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ethan Winters

Forget what I said last time. But still, you're invited anytime. Just don't piss off a couple of people.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ma Chao

When I count to three, you're should be gone from my room! In 1! 2! 3!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhuge Liang

Ow. He hit hard.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ma Zhong

Why did you do that? You know she'll slap you back.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Sophitia

Your son's a very bad example of a protagonist in ever. I think you should try to get him to behave.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Sophitia

What? It's called brutal honesty. I'm sorry, though.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Pyrrha A.

Um, don't take this the wrong way, but what's wrong with your brother?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Pyrrha A.

That's a load of bullshit. Graf Dumas is Nightmare and Soul Calibur corrupted your mother. There. End of story.

Deng Zhi.

* * *

Kagero

Why do you look like a female Byakuya?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ruby Rose

I've heard about Blazblue Cross Tag Battle's DLC announcement. I'm not happy so let's hope it'll be worth it. Because I still want to play it.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Ruby Rose

So, do you want to hang out with me? If your uncle and sister agree, that is.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Yinping

How did you get stuck in Rook Island?! Just how?!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Yinping

Liza invited you because it was fun. Do you realize that it was the same island that Vaas killed those people?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Yinping

So now you're Jason Brody. Ok. Hold my beer.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Guan Yi

Your sister is in Rook Island, acting like Jason Brody. Can you get her out, please?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhou Cang

Man Chong's got your master's weapon for studying purposes.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhou Cang

Don't ask me how he got it. What I know is Hinoka dropped it. That is all.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhen Ji

I won't go in your pants. Cao Pi's your husband. Why don't you do that to him?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhen Ji

He's on vacation? Didn't see that coming.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhao Yun

Why do you assume that I'm a chick magnet?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhao Yun

Oh. Right. I forgot I'm nice to people.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhao Yun

I got a couple of girls from other universes, saying that they love me. Like how?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhao Yun

Let me read the names. Ahem! They are Ruby Rose, Miyuki Shiba, Asuka Kazama, Makoto Nanaya, and others I can't read out.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Sakura

Ok. I think I can help you with your problem

Deng Zhi

* * *

Sakura

So I have to dress up as a rapper and do what, now?

Deng Zhi

* * *

Sakura

That's a little too extreme, but I'll do it.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Fan Yufeng

Don't worry about Shangxiang. She's being jealous that you're married to Zhao Yun. That is all.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Sun Shangxiang

No. I'm not going to kidnap Zhao Yun for your own benefit.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Sun Quan

You seriously need to know that your sister is going Yandere on Zhao Yun and we all know what happens when she is like that.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhao Yun

You should run. Shangxiang is out for your blood.

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhao Yun

Don't blame me! Blame on someone else!

Deng Zhi

* * *

Zhao Yun

I heard that. Also, Shangxiang's here in your room so good luck.

Deng Zhi

* * *

 **Ok! End scene! Alright, this is my first Answer Letters fanfic! This is rather short, but I promise you more hilarity and random moments as Deng Zhi continues to read letters from the Multiverse!**


End file.
